


i dont care what consequence it brings (i have been a fool for lesser things)

by BiBitchBee



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Autistic Spencer Reid, Bisexual Spencer Reid, Character Study, Spencer Reid Character Study, not explicitly but still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:07:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29600118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiBitchBee/pseuds/BiBitchBee
Summary: He has always had issues with identifying his feelings. He uses his past experiences and cross-references his latest emotions. He knows how he feels about him.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Kudos: 22





	i dont care what consequence it brings (i have been a fool for lesser things)

The first was Julijana Medved. She had emigrated with her parents from Croatia, and he had a book from his mother that was in Croatian. He discussed it with her at length, and they helped each other get a greater grasp on their native language. She called him “ Fini Dječak ” (translating to “nice boy”) because no other boy that talked to her showed her any kindness. She was his only friend, and he didn’t know how to have friends. His mother told him to treat her like a knight treated a princess, and he tried his best. Julijana was his Helen of Troy. He told her as such, but she didn’t understand the reference. He spent his whole year trying to treat her the best he could, proving himself to be a better man than his father at only seven years old. The next year, his education advanced and he never saw her again.

The second was Jonah Myers. He was a teenager in his class, possibly the only one that didn’t treat him like a freak for his age. They were in the same literature class, and were partnered together for a project. They spent a week together in the library after classes, making a diorama. Jonah wasn’t like the others. He made jokes with him, and explained to him things he didn’t understand from mainstream culture. His father told him he shouldn’t like romance books as much as he does, but Jonah said that they were cool. After the project, he didn’t interact with him anymore. He didn’t see him again either.

Then, there was Ivy Gilmore. They were the first to reciprocate his affections. At sixteen, he was on his second college degree. They were on their first, in creative writing. He took a literature class because he had the time and it interested him. It made him feel less guilty about not being with his mom as often as he could. They sat next to each other and then they spent the next year together. Ivy got him into baking, a skill he would keep with him for his life. They had long philosophical talks and watched the stars together. After a year, they finished their degree and moved to England to pursue their dream. He talked to them periodically for some time after the move, but it only would last so long without turning melancholic. They both knew it was over for two months before they finally agreed to stop dragging it out. Even so, they still meet up biennially. They were the most prominent of his relationships for a very, very long time.

After that, he strayed from romantic involvement if he could help it. There were a few women who he spent the night with in his many college years and even more men. But he watched a lecture by Jason Gideon and found a goal to set himself to. The Behavior Analysis Unit. (During which, there was a slight infatuation with said Jason Gideon that bordered on romantic affections, though these feelings disappeared on actually meeting the man. It was likely more of an adoration of his intelligence and skill that he let himself believe was something else.) After some time, he got himself there. Then, he had another issue.

There was Jennifer Jareau, the obvious choice to be his inamorata. She was blonde, beautiful, and loving. For a short period of time, he considered it. She was so kind to him. Yet, that wasn’t truly what called to him. What truly called to him was Derek Morgan. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only one. Morgan was a well-established playboy. While he seemed to have no problem including all genders, he had no interest in anything further than a fun night. So he set aside his affection and continued on being his coworker. It would have to be enough. It was.  For now. 

There was Lila Archer, another woman who was blonde, beautiful, and loving. He was her protection detail during a stalker case. She kissed him, and he kissed back, but he pulled away because she was a victim and he was a federal agent. They talked for a while, but a month after her case they lost contact. He wasn’t particularly bothered by it. He was more bothered by Morgan’s insistence that she was the first person to have kissed him, but he never led him to believe any different, so he endured the teasing with scarce complaint.

Then there was Austin Morrison, a bartender that survived an attack from a serial killer. Despite living in different states, they talked on video calls and spent more time together then he expected. They talked about close up magic and his work and they were together for three months without ever officially getting together before she met someone that she was more serious about and stopped calling him. He never told anyone that they were in contact, which made it easier for him when she jilted him without thought. 

There was Maeve Donovan.

Even after that, there was still Derek Morgan. The attraction, as pushed down as it was, still bubbled to the surface anytime the two of them got overly close in proximity. He tries not to think about it, tries to think about his dedication to solitude after how his last involvement ended. That is, of course, until Garcia locks them in her computer cave and refuses to let them out. Morgan expresses his feelings for him, and he originally believes that it’s an elaborate prank. He tells him as much, and he can’t help his utter disappointment at hearing the words he spent lonely nights begging for in such a way. He swears he’s telling the truth, and he doesn’t believe him. He tells him about Julijana, about Jonah, about Ivy, about his multiple nights in college with people discovering themselves, about JJ, about Lila, about Austin, about Maeve, and about Derek. He feels like a fool when Derek kisses him silly and promises to never let him feel alone. He doesn’t know if he believes him yet, but he will come to in due time. He will wake up next to him for years to come, he will be woken up by their daughter, he will be held by him after nightmares, and he will hold his hand when he officially gets tested for schizophrenia. He will make him feel loved, happy and safe for many years to the end of his life. But for now, he will shakily promise Derek the same, and he will hope with all his life that they will both be kept.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter @EVANSBLUM


End file.
